Former Seattle Seahawks wide receiver Ricardo Lockette shared his thoughts in an essay about the terrifying moments after his life-changing hit and moving past the NFL.
"All I could do was move my eyes. I was thinking: 'Am I deaf? Am I paralyzed? What is going on? Am I about to die?'" <a href="http://www.theplayerstribune.com/am-i-about-to-die/">he wrote on The Players' Tribune</a>.
Lockette was knocked out and remained motionless on the field for several minutes after a hit by Cowboys safety Jeff Heath during the Seahawks' Nov. 1 victory over Dallas.
He was eventually strapped to a backboard and taken off the field. Lockette underwent surgery at Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas the next day to stabilize his neck.
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Lockette wrote in the essay that former running back Marshawn Lynch stayed with him the first night in the hospital. Lynch was making him laugh so hard that “he was putting my damn life in danger.”
But when Lynch wasn’t making jokes, Lockette said he experienced a cold darkness that he didn’t know existed.
"When I came to Seahawks training camp as an undrafted rookie, all I had to my name was a gym bag full of clothes, my Fort Valley State receivers' gloves and a hundred bucks," he wrote.
"I used to want a black Lambo and a seven-room house. That's what I dreamed about.
"Now, all of a sudden, I can't move. And the only thing that mattered to me in the entire world was being able to see my family again, to hold my kids in my arms.
"Then I remembered something that broke my heart. My daughter was in the crowd. It was her 10th birthday. She wanted to come down to Dallas to see me play. Now she was watching her daddy lying on the field, surrounded by teammates and trainers."
Lockette wrote that he had to compose himself before his daughter could come into his room.
"I knew that was probably going to be the last time she saw her daddy in an NFL uniform," he wrote. "That was very difficult."
Lockette cleaned out his closet and stuffed his workout gear, shows (what?) and Seahawks polo shirts into a bag.
He gave them away to a man downtown who looked like he needed help.
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Lockette said that when he was talking to the man, who had fallen on hard times, everything clicked.
"When I was (lying) motionless on that turf in Dallas, I was completely dependent upon the help of others," he wrote. "It was the exact opposite of the mindset I had from the moment I got to Seahawks camp as a rookie: You're a rock star. You're a leader. You're the alpha. This is all yours for the taking.
"Then, in one second, you're helpless."
Lockette say during his announcement from football in May that he plans to dedicate his time his kids -- and to those in need: the homeless and victims of domestic violence.
Before Tuesday’s essay, Lockette gave a big "thank you" to firefighters, paramedics, and trainers for saving his life after his horrible, life-threatening injury hit last fall. He said at the time, without them, he would have lost his life.
Cox Media Group
