SEATTLE — The mother of a Milton woman murdered by her estranged boyfriend in 2017 is speaking out.
Her hope is to reach those who are living with domestic violence and those who care about them.
Her family wants to help them recognize the signs of DV before it's too late.
It is easy to see in pictures what Wendi Anderson Traynor's mother says about her only daughter.
"She lit up a room," said Tammi Anderson Black.
But Wendi's light went out 18 months ago. Her family found her in her Milton apartment, shot dead. Black says she remembers the day she got the terrible news.
"I was in the middle of the Caribbean," she said. "And I found out from my sister on the phone that, she said, 'He did it. He finally did it, Tammi. He shot her."
She says no one had to tell her who killed her daughter.
"I knew it was Joshua Kioni Ellis because there was no question about it," said Black.
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Ellis was the estranged boyfriend Wendi had tried so hard to escape. There had been warning signs.
"Very hot temper, very, very, very controlling," said Black. "And came right down to like a fatal attraction, a domestic violence situation."
She says she didn't have much experience with domestic violence.
"No, none," Black said. "I wish I would have had a little more knowledge of things to watch. There are key things I would have picked up on. I missed them. I missed them. I missed them."
"I think many people still don't realize how prevalent domestic violence is," said Rachel Krinsky. "One in four women and one in seven men will experience DV in their lifetimes."
Krinsky runs LifeWire, a domestic violence prevention agency on the Eastside that serves 4,500 DV survivors each year. Domestic violence, she says, is more than physical.
"Financial abuse," Krinsky said. "All kinds of power and control. Isolation from friends and family, sexual abuse. There are all kinds of pieces of an abusive relationship that aren't even physical and aren't about domination."
"It's just, it's a total nightmare," said Black.
Wendi's family learned about domestic violence the worst possible way.
"Had I really known what I know now, Wendi would have not been in that situation," she said. "I would have gotten a restraining order, certainly."
But she concedes she never thought it would happen to her.
"Never in my wildest dreams," she said. "Not my children. Not where my children were raised. Not how my children were raised."
Black says in some ways her daughter still lives.
They have started a scholarship fund in her name here at Eastside Catholic, her alma mater. It will go to a female student who is interested in pediatric medicine or law enforcement. Moreover, students and administrators are working together to help kids here learn how to create healthy relationships.
"It can happen to anyone," said Black, her voice breaking. "Unfortunately, it was my daughter. My little pride and joy, really."
The man who killed her precious daughter faces 25 years in prison when he is sentenced on May 23.
Cox Media Group
