MPHS shooting survivor: ‘I will always be afraid'

Nearly three years after the Marysville-Pilchuck High School shooting killed four students in a cafeteria – a survivor is sharing her story.

Meaghan Epstein, who was a sophomore when the shooting happened, recounted that devastating day in October 2014 by writing a post and submitting it as an Ask Me Anything on Reddit.

"The morning of the shooting was like any other. Wake up 10 minutes before school, my brother yelling up the stairwell telling me to get my ass in the car or he'd leave me. We lived about a mile from the school, so the ride was fairly short … I rushed to first period, English 2 Honors, and plopped down in my seat, late as always."

"After third period I had first lunch, I walked into the "small" lunchroom around 10:00 A.M and sat down, talking to my boyfriend at the time on the phone. My friends didn't have first lunch that day, so I sat alone, blabbering on the phone."

"If I remember correctly around 10:20 A.M, the fire alarm went off. Everyone evacuated the building as expected. I remember laughing with one of my brother's friends, joking about how it was probably one of the seniors pulling a prank. Then I heard a bang. It sounded pretty far off, so I didn't think about it. Then I heard more... that was when fear finally settled in."

"It all happened within a matter of minutes. At 10:24 A.M the first shot happened. I remember running like my life depended on it. I was aiming for the parking lot. A lot of my brothers' friends were heading to their cars to leave, I so badly wanted to go with them. I wanted to go to safety. I wanted to go home."

The gunman, identified by his family as 14-year-old Jaylen Fryberg, opened fire in the school cafeteria – shooting five students. Fryberg, a freshman at the school, died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound, according to Marysville Police Commander Robb Lamoureux.

Fryberg shot five students with his father's gun: Shaylee Chuckulnaskit, Zoe Galasso, Andrew Fryberg, Nate Hatch, and Gia Soriano. Only Nate Hatch lived.

See coverage from that day in the video below. Scroll down to keep reading.

"I never made it to the parking lot. My limbs were heavy with the thought that someone I know might be dead. My heart hurt from beating so hard. I think I cried. I don't know. I just know that I was afraid. I still feel that fear today," Epstein continued.

"One of the Spanish teachers who shared a room with my first period teacher grabbed me so hard it knocked the wind out of me … (He) shoved me into the room and locked the door behind us. Standing there, in that room, the stench of fear was so tangible I still see it every f------g day. It was like my life was in slow motion. I scanned the room, kids were huddled in corners, shoved under desks. The air was so thick I thought I was choking. It felt like that room was 100 degrees. There was probably 50 or so students in a room meant for 25."

"I found a spot under a large table right underneath the only window in that room. I looked to my left and there was a group of freshman girls huddled by the teachers desk. I remember one girl hysterically crying, swearing up and down that her best friend was dead. I think that's when it finally sunk in."

"The texts finally started coming in from all of my family members. "Are you okay?" "Are you hurt?" I didn't really know how to respond, but I did. I was huddled under that desk for over two hours, watching the newscasts quietly with hushed voices thick with tears. The anxiety, the fear, that's all I could feel."

"Finally, the police knocked on the door and demanded that we open up. They came in, guns raised and flipped on the lights. I remember standing up and covering my eyes only to be told to hold my hands high in the air. I trembled as a police man pointed his gun near me, my heart couldn't beat any faster in that moment."

"That first breath of fresh air wasn't refreshing. It was heavy, filled with sorrow and agony. We ran, and ran until we were escorted on a school bus and sent off to a church not far from the school. The ride there was a blur, and being there was one too. We had to sign our name in check in, and go out front to wait for our parents."

A SeattlePi.com photo captured Meaghan and her mom, Colleen, as they were reunited – in tears – amid dozens of students looking for their families.

Epstien wrote that while in her mother arms, sobs were audible in her ears. See coverage from that day in the video below. Scroll down to keep reading.

"I now suffer from PTSD (diagnosed by a psycho-therapist). This shooting has affected my life in so many ways. Any loud noise sends my pulse skyrocketing. A book slamming on a desk, loud beeping sounds, alarms, fire trucks, police sirens, banging noises, all of this immediately sends me back to that initial moment when the fear struck me."

"I lost some of myself that day, and it was replaced with fear and anxiety and intense trust issues … I am a survivor of a school shooting … I will always be afraid."

Epstein's chilling post – read in full here – was trending on Reddit's AMA front page on Wednesday with hundreds of comments.

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